Does your mother want and/or need you to move in? I told hubby i was glad he was excited about seeing us..NOT. I told him it was hard to be around so me and my daughter are going to be out and gone all day. And on top of this, if you actually read everyones comments, most of these people want the parent to be happy, but they are just not ready to meet their parents new friend. She would have loved the attention he is giving to his girlfriend. I told her how much that upset us. My father died on Thanksgiving night of a heart attack. PEOPLE CANT UNDERSTAND WHY I AM SO ANGERY ,THEY THINK ITS ABOUT THE MONEY THAT I WONT IT?COUPLE OF MY BROTHERS ARE ANGRY TOO BUT THE OTHERS ARE GETTING INVOLVED AND SOME GOING WITH DAD.I KNOW I MUST GET ON ,BUT IM SO SAD,I CANT GET NEAR THE PHOTO OF MUM OR VIDEO.I WAS TOLD THE PEOPLE WHO LOOKED AFTER MUM SHOULD GET HER THINGS. My father started dating a woman this summer. The next morning i was woken up with her SCREAMING that she has NO privacy in this house. Im the girlfriendhe has 5 adult kidsALL in their 40s1 is a daughter thats spoiled and MEAN, daddy pays for everything_> her bills >she dont even has to work! moving Sometimes she doesnt see him for 3 weeks at a time. GQ she brushed it off bc due to the market she didnt think wed get a place we could afford..but then she received a letter in the mail a week or so later stating she was losing 600 a month due to my middle sister turning 18, she came storming into my room demanding my husband & I start paying what shed be losing monthly to her in rent. Its not a case of not liking dads new partner,its the fact that hes totally different with her than he was when mam was alive. Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on. We all want that. Im pretty sure she heard my Dad say something and misconstrued it. I never thought Id ever find someone who would make me happy again in terms of a relationship. WebAnswer (1 of 4): Im sorry for your loss. Now I have discovered that while my mother was dying, this other woman was pursuing my father. I think at some point, my ears and brain stopped listening and corresponding after he dropped this bombshell. Dont do it only for appeasing the feeling of familial obligations. I would be happy to chat privately Ive just set up an email address for solely this purpose at ellasisland-at-yahoo-co-uk (Ive replaced the @ and the .s so the address isnt picked up by automated software, youll need to change them back to email me). I want to also invite you to take some time for yourself. I have heard all of these things through my boyfriends daughters to him about our relationship and their feelings. And on top of everything that was going on with my mommy, my dad and i hadnt been getting along for a couple years now. Knowing that makes it. ), and leaving pills everywhere-not in bottles but on countertops-Xanex, Valium, pain killers, appetite suppressants even though she told me she never takes any meds. She and my father were married for 45 years and were, by all accounts, and amazing couple. She will leave him for up to three weeks at a time without a visit. For the price of a large house in the U.S you could get a tiny place over in the U.K You just get more bang for your buck in America. If he ever needs me Ill be there, but for now..I want him to be happy, however, I dont think he is. The AC has only one mother, so there could never be a threat. I once had an argument with my father in which I told him that, and he couldnt stomach it. However, and hobbies that morning. I was looking for my mail, and stumbled upon an awkward pairing of items: leopard print undies, and bibles.. She is apparently very religious, and my dad is now, too.. in fact, hes so religious that he doesnt mind going to a church where they dont even speak english they speak Vietnamese. Cuz you never know. I want to apologize and she declined at my apology. When I was about 16 my friends Mum was dropping me off a short distance from my home when her car would not start late on a Sunday. Inside is immaculate. Ill never forget Christmas morning, crying in her hospital room together. I understand that everyone needs someone, But i dont think it should be forced on the surviving kids/ relatives, at least not till their ready. He told my younger sister that he has already grieved for his wife and is ready to move on. Im surprised she even waited 18 months before she joined the dating agency. Im an only child so hes all I have besides my husband and my daughter. and Crickets. I awoke to my mother repeatedly yelling in desperation, Bob! His depression has been lessening considerably because of it. Her daughter came to stay when she was in hospital and then had a falling out with her mother over something. Like others have explained, I also feel like I have lost my father. This women across the street would come over often, and every time I was there just to be irritating to me because she knew we did not care for each other. Now my sister and I are back to work and doing as well as we can be doing, I guess. I lost my wife Jan 12, 2012, June 9 is her birthday, I have 4 daughters, one the oldest accused me of wanting to throw her mother into the Forrest, which is the farthest from my mind, my wife (ashes)is here with me, I am having a terrible time dealing with these issues of my daughter not talking to me but being disturbed about throwing, I am no where near even thinking of a companion, Im still grieving and attending grieving classes at hospital where she died. I ended up moving it from our house to my brothers because I just could not imagine her here. I agree that we just feel the way we feel. Typed on my phone, dang you autocorrect! She refused to believe it; he was wrong. Oh honey, there's no such thing as grieving too much or too little. Many of you are older than I am, live apart from your surviving parents, and still struggle with these feelings of betrayal, loss, and hurt. Suddenly dad was cramming her down my throat even pawning her off on me when he was tired of listening to her but I could not stand being with her and as time went on it became really obvious that I didnt want anything to do with her. Key Tip 1: In time, grief will diminish, although it sometimes takes a year or longer. He says that she is acting this way because she has been hurt by other men. Does she pay rent? We do all the footwork when it comes to trying to maintain a relationship. Dear Erin, Im sorry that you havent been able to share your grief with your mother at a time when youre both reeling from this tremendous loss. She didnt shed one tear as I poured my heart out. He will now have to go through it. My dad died 18 months ago and Mum has just joined a dating agency. The first person who extended his arms was my ex-boyfriend Nick, who had been there when my dad was first diagnosed seven years prior. my hurt is more that my own daughter accused me trying to do that, my wife is not garbage, she has to realize she lived with her Mom about 19 years, I lived with her 33 years, so my bond is closer and I gave my daughter almost EVERYTHING she asked for even the diamonds I bought my wife, that was a big mistake, now her other sisters are probably not happy with that, all my daughters except the oldest are going to celebrate their mothers birthday, Her mother would not want that to happen but I did not ask for it to happen, Im alone, hurt, suicidal, I cant even leave the house because my wife is still there, I dont want to leave her, there has not been a day I dont cry my eyes out. My mom, like many of your moms, passed away from cancer (colon), in 2006. He had actually showed some sort of care for her. It sucked having to hear every once in while about the court problem. It was ridiculous. I was mortified. I suspect he was dating again within a year after my mom died. It will every day until I die. Your mom is in a beautiful, peaceful place and exists in pure love. The time to have conversations like this is before anybody dies. So he breaks up with her. She certainly does that. I know that my dad harbors no ill will towards me for that. Im not talking about holidays or family parties, where of course inclusion is important. For the most part, my brother, sister and I have learned that theres no getting through to him. As women, we certainly know that men and women think & act totally different from one another. I never in my life expected my father to choose a stranger over his own daughter because I wont have anything to do with her. You do not exist to subsidize your mother's life. Im fine with my daddy being happy, but IM HIS DAUGHTER, his wifes child, his first child. When he could leave hospital he elected to go and live with her rather than us. My brother was only 13, but my Dad spent most weekends at his girlfriends house. I am in the same situation. I have one sibling, a younger brother. old and can do what he wants without anyone approval, yet Im the one who he called when something needed done or needed help with my mom. Ive told him everything Ive included i this post and more, and none of it has ever gotten through to him. Here are 100 things that happened after my mom died. My take on it is this: Get on with it if it will make you happy. I did want to address a couple of points. He acts like mom never exsistedthey were married 38 years. We believe he was seeing her before she died, during her long illness. Then I remember my mom saying the second wife always gets treated better after several of her friends husbands remarried after losing their spouse. Its very hard to accept that which you have no control over. Dave and to all of you that are hurting and grieving your beloved parents and family members, I make a great effort to make her feel welcomed, to make conversation with her when I call the house, etc., but it frustrates me that he refuses to see that if he would stop pushing us to have a relationship with her, our relationship with her would actually improve. I would hate for one of Ellens sons to get them and sell them. I have basically lost my mother, father and sister who is too afraid to stand up to dad and have no parents. Before after ashlie walton's mother asked my dad was really dependent. NTA. tread lightly and keep your business to yourself and you may find the adult children will come around. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. I will say, that I do believe that everyones time of grief is differentwhether its short or long. I understand that my father needs companionship, but I do not feel that it would be too insensitive to ask him to please wait just a bit longer, even a few weeks longer- so that we can at least get used to the idea. While they were gone I went to the house and the girlfriend had packed up a ton of my Moms things. I just dont know what to do because every since this women starting calling my father has been drinking, and then I have to deal with him being drunk on top of everything else. Im well aware that Im of an age where I could move out if I needed to, and Im immensely grateful that my father is still supporting me. but she is an active participant in the redesign. By the time the end of January rolls around my dad is planning a trip to the phillipines for May 2013. I guess I thought dad would finally take some time to get to know me, the grandkids and spend time doing things he did not do all the time we grew up. He made it clear that he had already made a commitment and promise to marry this woman somewhere down the road. moving in with mom after dad died I am copying it here because I wanted to share my story and also share the response that I thought was really helpful to me. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. From this I feel like I have been able to step back and gain some insight, and this insight has brought me some healing and clarity. She was only 59 years old. Our 5 kids (ages 20, 21, 22, 23 and 25) have embraced this new life of ours with open arms. My sister said it was very irritating, she could not even visit with my Dad because of this lady. Its no good getting mad at the shark because it attacks you. There have been other things, that have been bothering me from the beginning of this relationship but I will not get into detail it could lead into a story bookI respectful and pleasant and asked to do what Im always told to do..I know he is a man that can not be alone and my mother said the same thing to him on her death bedMy mothers words I know you can not be alone, but please do not marry a FLUSSY Well mom, if you are reading from the heavens above It went in one ear and out the other!! The answers are NO. Well, he gets back from the phillipines and just a few months later he lets me know that he is starting the process which takes 4-8 months for her and her two year old son to come here, and that they are going to get married. She knew her quite well and really does understand (as much as possible) what we went through. Anyway, I know my Dad has been making an effort to be social, as everyone recommends after a death. I still have to remind myself that feeling guilty is not productive. What he fails to see and I can say from experience is that he is inflicting untold damage on his relationships with his daughters. What does this new lady have? He would just come by and drop off boxes and boxes of pictures and not go thru them. He sent them to an auction house. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. It's very healthy to share these feelings with a loved one. Because I was faced with a totally insensitive and unkind woman who barged in without the slightest sympathy or care for the family or me as a 13 year old living at home I blamed her more than I ought to have done. She shook out her hand and said her name but there was no introduction on his part like, This is my daughter and this is my friend/co-worker/date/girlfriend etc. So I sat there the whole concert wondering who the heck this woman is. The next morning when she was giving me the cold shoulder, i comfronted her. Life is short. Maybe help her out around the house. She would show him her new necklace or have him smell his perfume (not on her wrist) right in front of me. Plus I told my Mom to not trust her and My Mom would say she is ok, she kept coming over , and I can not go over to see my Dad with out her coming over . He still craved that companionship and the want to be close to a woman again. However . As she is his first priority Im sure many things will change. . accepted her just so long as we acted as if we did. So, I dont know why I cant feel the same way about my father. They do not ask themselves Am I willing to sacrifice the love and trust of my family (by refusing to wait and consider their feelings) for the buzz I am getting from this stranger I barely know and may not end up with? The pain may fade but it will not go away. My sister and I will apparently receive an e-mail from him before the end of the year advising us of something. That is why I really cant feel bad towards this womanif it wasnt her, it would be someone else. We have spent the past 21 months gradually allowing everyone to adjust to this new life. As I said, I had not had time to even grieve my Mother and I felt like some people were trying to push me into being this womans daughter! I was experiencing more emotions in one yearthan I had ever felt in my lifetime. I still cant beleive it. After speaking with a few family members, I found out that my mom did not like this cousin. I have 2 older sisters. I lost my mother to cancer in November, my father enrolled in one of thoes dating web sites in December. My father was communicating within days or weeks with this woman. My question. After all, his needs werent being met. I was not happy, them my Husband and I were going to dinner for out anniversary and brought her. We were stunned and disappointed. I now had to take care of my moms mom who had dementia in her home while my dad is busy in the first stages of a love relationship right after my mom died in our house. He ignores his kids and grandkids for the most part and seems so involved in himself to take out true, quality time for us. Neither of Ellens sons have children and it doesnt appear that they ever will. After about two months, when I did actually want people to ask about my dad and to check in on me, I felt deeply sad that everyone had seemingly moved onand I was left painfully alone. I don't want to scare you, but you'll be surprised at how things will fade with time. If someone close to you ultimately proves to have low death EQ, try not to be disappointed. They were married 6 years when Dad died. He says my Mom did this to us. These things may be forgiven but a person cannot erase the pain from their memory unless they have memory loss. Thanks dad lol omg. Now, try the right place. He called me the next day and was surprisingly understanding about not forcing his relationship on me or making me watch home makeout with his girlfriend as he did in the hospital. The bushes were drying out because they were too big and not getting enough water, when its been over 110 degrees here for many many days. Our relationship is strained and I feel a double loss as someone mentioned in a previous post. Young mom dies following mall liposuction procedure What we find offensive is So, to say I was blown away by my dads behavior two weeks after my moms funeral, is mild. Over 30 years this woman has caused havoc and hurt wherever she goes not just within our family but in her own. He really only cares about himself. Oh and one more thing, on top of all this he continues to traumatized me by giving my moms and grandmas car to this lady to drive and she even uses my moms dresser and this just is so wrong I want to die sometimes to make it stop. Remember him WITH her - try very hard to remember little things. Yes, if your parent is making irrational decisions out of grief, senility, age, etc., you need to step in. Since we set the woman in icu, a world of my dad liked and suddenly at 53. I wish you well and hope that your pain is healing and that your children are coping with their loss. My sisters and I are not comfortable with this because it has become quite serious and it has also changed her personality. He wanted to come here with her and I said no. He constantly is trying to one up me, that his loss is greater than mine, since I still have my husband. She does housework and I do shopping etc. My sister doesnt live here and takes my dads side cuz she didnt have to experience this like I did. People that immediately jump into a relationship and force it on their families are wrong in doing so. He is pretty much alone now anyway. Perhaps just go out with death and this will never an unhappy outcome. I defy anyone to say that this does not demonstrate an obscene lack of decorum and sensitivity. It definitly could be worse. She probably needs things done for her. My sister does not like her because she thinks they were going together before my Mom even died, or soon after and kept it a secret. Even if you choose to not listen to any of this, I am sorry to hear about your pain and your loss. Adapted from a recent online discussion . BUT she feels entitled to the rest of him and what he does and who he dates. I get so mad when he threatens me! She got what she wanted.sadly, she was right! WebI (23F) & my husband (24M) lived with my mom (48F) during Covid. Never asked about our welfare, but tell the world that His the best Dad. I have learned and moved on, knowing I will never let this happen with my kids. The only person responsible for your happiness is you. It also seems that he loves, respects, and wants your approval in the biggest way. Every time he has mentioned these other women he is talking to, I just feel like dying inside. It is very sad, but after 2 and half years I havent been able to talk to them more than 2 times, they are reluctant to meet me, and I respect their feelings but I dont understand them. He felt it was no big deal, couldnt understand why my feelings/my daughters were so hurt, we should get over it, its bullshit (his word)we were so upset etc. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! After reading all your posts, Id rather never meet her! Should I try to truly deeply understand them more? I think he expects both the families to just blend together like the Brady bunch and I dont think thats ever going to happen. She lives about 20 minutes away. And just like your FIL, my dad goes and spends incredible amounts of time with this woman, and my mom had to beg for any time she got from my dad. Our own happiness comes with a price and if that price is our own kids, there is nothing worth losing them. Your letter reminded me of something On my final fitting for my wedding dress she said Youre not getting married in that dress are you with those spots on your back? How kind to give my confidence such a boost! I am sure this woman was nervous, and really, she was nice enough. Loves his convertible and said to my sister that she wanted to take it to go see her daughter Ahh, can you imagine. Ive always been close to both my parents, so to see my relationship with my father deteriorating due to his marriage hurts. You can tell mom this: I moved out because you were demanding that I pay 1000 a month for three people to share one room. Even if she said she was she would probably change her mind. Its almost like hes loving that he gets a new woman. There is another of them tastefully making outI told him, once again, that this WAS AWKWARD.